Where Laughter Meets Lunacy

You will never be forgotten but always missed. Thank you for making us all smile Amanda. I’ll always see you showing off your awesome dance moves in my mind whenever I hear “Black Betty”. I hope you are at peace now.

I’ve know this to be true for quite some time now. But today is the first day in a while I’ve been so frustrated, angry and upset I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, so naturally, I did both. I desperetely need Valium! It wasn’t just one thing that happened and then I freaked out a little and got over it. No, it was the entire damn day that sucked monkey nuts. Even when I was laughing with my friends I still felt the urge to completely flip out and start throwing things, like a small child throwing a tantrum. I’m not even sure why. Ok, so I had a nightmare that was work related. Well, that happens more often than not, so nothing new there. Yes, I felt horribly tired when I woke up and just wanted to never get out of bed. Again, really not a new occurance. I hate feeling like this, but what I hate even more is not knowing why I am feeling this way. Nothing new that hasn’t been happening everyday for a while is going on, so, WHAT  THE  FUCK?!?! I’ll tell you what, as soon as that health insurance kicks in (assuming I haven’t been fired yet) I’m finding a damn doctor that will give me some Valium for days like this. I can’t stand feeling like there is molten lava spewing out of my eyes and mouth and anyone that crosses my path is going to get burned. I’m talking third degree here ok, serious business.

Guess it’s once again been a while since I’ve posted here. We are approaching the halfway point in training at my new job. As with anything it has it’s ups and downs. I have met some really awesome people, so that’s cool. Going into this job I had my doubts if I could hack it or not, still do. Only time will tell I suppose. I try to be positive and remember my other jobs that I picked up quickly and did well in. Then I remember that this is completely different than anything I’ve done. I’ve done each component of the job before, but not really all at the same time while dealing with big expectations and time constraints. So far we’ve managed to only need to go out drinking one time in 3 weeks, although we are planning an outing tomorrow night I believe due to today being payday (first one in a year for me) and tomorrow being our “Friday”. I haven’t been spending too much time even near the computer since I started working. I come home brain dead and tired and just want to lay down and not have to think about a single thing. Everyday in training is a massive “data dump” to my brain but I’m told it will all come together and even though I feel like nothing is sticking around in that head of mine it’s just hiding and will come out when needed. Here’s hoping! Off to the store to get some tomatoes and onions for our “sandwich” potluck tomorrow.

Some good laughs today! I gotta say Kristen’s was eye opening, and a little unnerving.  I know parenthood is supposed to be a “great” thing and everyone “loves” their children but sometimes I worry if maybe I just wasn’t cut out to handle some parenting situations, lol. I really never even thought of little kids (and so many of them!) doing this on a regular basis. I guess it is a perfectly “normal” part of human nature, just wow, lol. Maybe I’m just easily embarrassed!

Tanis just sounds like way too much fun to hang out with. I think it’s the Canadian thing, it’s gotta be:) I hope one day I meet some women like this to be friends with. I do miss having close girlfriends to talk with sometimes, sigh. I never thought I’d say this but it’s easier for me to find a pair of good fitting jeans these days than a close friend I can hang out and chat with. I guess that really goes without saying when you never really leave the house though:/ But really, where in the hell would I go around this damn town to meet anyone that I would actually get along well with? Please. Church? Umm, hello, not my thing. A bar? Hmm, no, also not my thing. I can’t afford to go to a gym, and I don’t think that’s where people go these days to “make friends”. With a personality as strange as mine it seems the only people I find in the world that remotely match my personality type are online. Maybe I need to pose as a real “blogger” and get in on some of that blogger conference action. I guess I need to manage to wrangle a job in this godforsaken ecomony to make money to get there first though, damn. Stupid fucked up economy, you’re totally ruining my social life, ha.